she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
