I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
