Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
