ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
