i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize