We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We smell like vodka and hangover
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