the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
