Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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