Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
