im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
