Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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