Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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