Where is the hickey?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We don't watch enough power rangers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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