Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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