He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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