3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
