Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
