Your dad touched me again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
