Plan B is the new Plan A
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
