I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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