so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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