i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
