I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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