Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
