I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish you could order shots online.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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