Welp...herpes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
