dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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