Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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