It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
