Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
