Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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