I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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