3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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