the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
