no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
