I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
