I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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