how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
