My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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