we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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