My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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