Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
