I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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