I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
