I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
