I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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