The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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