Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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