your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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