he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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