She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
