And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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