Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize