I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize