i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
