I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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