I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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