I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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