And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
