1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
