im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
