I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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