i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
