Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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