You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
