This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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