you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
