If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
