There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My penis needs a shock collar
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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