I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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