He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
