just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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