I'm lost and stupid without you.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
