Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
