so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
