Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
