cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
