you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
