she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
