I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...so i touched it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
