I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
