a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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