ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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