Porn is love you can see.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
